|Rene les Flames! on t'stereo:
Mommy & Daddy - What Is The Function?
The Futureheads - First Day
Youth Movie Soundtrack Strategy - The If Works
Ex-Models - The Idea Of Peter North
Relaxed Muscle - Sexualised
Kenosha / The Black Helicopters / The Tennessee Traincrash demos
chaps, my name is Lord Shuteye.
so often I'll treat you to another installment from my memoirs 'The
Japes Of Wrath'. Read on dear friends....
New Year, my dear Wratheteers.
Lord Shuteye here, with another puckered serving of literary sweetmeats
for your delectation.
Traditionally, as you are no doubt aware, the commencement of January
is a time of confusion and dismay, to which seasonal set of conditions
I must attribute the unusually pleading nature of the various epistles
contained within the Wrath postbag this month. Thus, at the behest of
the less sagacious denizens of our collective enterprise, and unhampered
by the constraints of sobriety, I shall attempt to address one or two
of your more pressing enquiries.
Kebab of Burley in Wharfdale enquires: “If Wrath Records produced
a musical version of The Lord of The Rings, who would be whom?”
Sink me, Denise, what madness fills your evenings? Having said that: Steve
and Paul Morricone would obviously play Sauron and Saruman respectively,
and Julia Arnez would do the Liv Tyler bit. Ieuan from the Farming Incident
would make a sublime Treebeard, and I myself would be Sean Bean. Perhaps
readers would like to make their own suggestion?
(So many Les Flames, but only one Gollum…)
Meanwhile, Kurt Gothical, of Basingstoke, asks:” is it alright to
like that pop group, The Darkness?”
Ah, The Darkness: The Showaddywaddy of heavy metal. A band whose relationship
to groundbreaking pioneers such as Thin Lizzy or The Sweet bears a direct
comparison to that between mid 80’s Shakin’ Stevens and Elvis
Presley in 1956. In short, as our colonial friends in the Americas might
phrase it- they’re pissing down the kid’s backs and telling
them it’s raining. If one was at all interested in historical re-enactments
of out-moded musical forms, I’d rather subject myself to the cider-fuelled
prancings of a troop of Morris dancers. As for The Darkness- Lord Shuteye
says: “Hey Nonny… NO.”
finally, before strolling down to the puffin enclosure to feed Filey his
bowl of devilled kippers, I just have time to respond to Mr Chip Chobington,
of Brockley, South London, who writes:” On a recent sojourn north
I attempted to cross Otley Road during rush hour and was reminded of Death.
Do you have any tips?”
I do, my dear sir. Having attempted this lethal traversement on numerous
occasions myself, I can fully endorse the following stratagem: Arm yourself
with a brace of placards bearing the legend “Muddy Fields and Scrubland,
This Way”. Place one facing oncoming traffic in each direction,
then marvel as fleets of 4x4’s, driven by the raisin-faced habituees
of sun beds and Harvey Nichols screech to a halt at the merest hint of
driving conditions appropriate to their ludicrous juggernauts. As the
flow of traffic ceases, simply stroll across the tarmac in a fashion not
dissimilar to that of Moses crossing the Red Sea.